Parenting
Parenting --- It starts at home! Parents, regardless of the way you became a parent, you are still responsible for the children that God blessed you with. They are your treasure and it is your responsibility to raise your children as God requires Proverbs 22:6. Train them up with MORALS AND VALUES AND HIS LOVE. Stop thinking you need another man or woman to raise your kids or play mommy and daddy to them before you do your job and look after them. You cannot expect the system, the school, the church, the neighborhood or the grandparents to raise them. Your child needs you to be a GOOD, GODLY role model to help guide them in the right direction. The do not need a best friend, they need their parents. They need to be encouraged with the word of God, kind words and discipline because without you, they fall prey to the things of this world that so easily entices them. Children usually try to fashion themselves from the lives of their parents or someone or something they idolize. Yes, some of them just take the path well trodden because they think it's the easy road (selling drug, stealing, etc.), but there are some screaming out for help because they want and need your guidance. Children need structure and guidance, regardless of the fact that they act like they don't need it. Teaching your child the word of God, loving your child and disciplining them in Love, will not kill them --it didn't kill us growing up, especially those of us who know real whooping. Proverbs 23:13 says "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die." Proverbs 13:24 tells us that "He that spear his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Meaning spear not the rod, spoil not the child. Child abuse is not love, therefore, know the difference! As a parent, I recommend that you take a moment to calm down before disciplining your child, as there is likelihood that you could cause some harm. Disciplining your child when they do wrong and explaining to them why they are being disciplined is a good start. Even when they get on your last nerve, as the adult, the parent, the caregiver and the role model, you must be careful what you say and how you say it, because the Bible says in Proverbs 10:19 "In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."
The Bible speaks clearly to us as parents and to the children as well. The Ten Commandments - Exodus 20:12 says, "Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee." Ephesians 6:1-3 tells the children to obey their parents in the Lord. Likewise, Ephesians 6:4 says "...Fathers provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
Be willing to sit and listen to your children. Be open-minded so that you can hear what your children are saying. A child's greatest joy is knowing that he/she can have a conversation with their parents. Think back to a conversation your child had with you --their face lit up and they got excited at the thought of telling you about their day or sharing a tale regardless if it was corny to you or not. Don't let them feel as though they can't talk to you. When your child starts sharing with a stranger instead of you, it says that communication has broken down and that is the worst place for them to be because they sometimes end up going to the wrong people. It is also the wrong place for you to be as a parent when your children can't communicate with you, because now, you don't know what is going on with them and they will not want to trust you or tell you. Reach out, don't wait. Forget about the foolishness that when your child wants to talk they will come to you. They may not come to you and the longer you wait, the more likely they are to share with the wrong person. If you are struggling, seek the help of about two Godly friends to help you. Let your children know that they can speak openly with those two Godly individuals when they feel they cannot communicate with you. Those two Godly individuals will know how to share with you without betraying the children's confidence, because you want them to always be able to speak with those individuals. It doesn't mean they will discipline or become your children's guide, they are simply a support system to help you while you seek God for guidance on appropriate skills and ways to work with your children. Remember these questions: Who is the parent? Where do the children live and who is providing for them? Are you trying to be their friend and when you need to discipline them it's creating a conflict because they no longer view you as the parent? Are you going to wait until the police knocks on your door and puts your child in handcuffs before you ask what's wrong and get to the bottom of the problem? Someone once said to me in not so eloquent a manner -- excuses are like the back end of a horse and everybody has one. Do you still have an excuse?
Spend time with your children. Invest in them and their future. If you don't, who will? It is the key reason why many of our younger people have been turning to gangs, drugs, alcohol, prostitution and Lord knows what else. There is no investment in them and so they don't have any motivation to do for themselves. Yes there are some who don’t try to motivate themselves, but we cannot afford to let go of them either. Parents, do you know that your children are not as grown as you think just because of their behaviors? Children are constantly developing and even when they say or do things that makes them seem grown, they got it from somewhere or someone and many of them have no proper understanding of the context or the consequences of the behaviors. Some were made to believe that the behaviors would get them recognition and status, but are still developing and gullible to suggestive reasoning and promises. Parents, if we fail to plan, we plan to fail and that's the bottom line! I know situations and circumstances sometimes cause us to stray from the plan, but you can get back up and get back in line. I know that motivation is from within, but sometimes we all need a little encouragement and a boost to help us up. Encourage them to take positive steps toward their development and future. Regardless of your level of education, encourage them to seek more but work hard for what they want. Remember, nothing good comes easy in life, and if you never had to work hard to succeed, you would never learn to appreciate anything or anyone or have the desire and/or motivation to accomplish anything.
Empower Them, Don't Enable Them. My work as an educator enabled me to encounter a diverse group of students and those with restorative justice mandates. These were students who had been in trouble with the justice system. They were required to continue their education in an alternative environment while receiving treatment and learning coping skills to develop growth in self-actualization. This process meant that they would learn the skills to develop personal growth to become productive, positive individuals versus perpetrating crimes and recidivism.
During my encounter with the students, enabling, manipulation and a host of other attributes were a daily regimen to address. I found Enabling and Manipulation to be the most potent issue because it involved the parents. Manipulation will be addressed on "The Family" page. Some parents believed they were helping to keep their children out of trouble by enabling their behavior. Smoking or drinking with your child, buying the alcohol or drugs for them, giving them the money to buy the drugs or alcohol, buying that $200 or $400 sneakers just because they want it or see someone else with it when you can't even afford it or have enough to pay your bills, telling them to retaliate or go after anyone who does anything to them --those are just a few of the ways we enable our children. As we look at each of the behaviors, what consideration have we given to the way in which they will be played out? Are there other choices we could have made? Did we think critically about the consequences of our right now actions and its future outcomes?
My personal work includes researching and writing Criminal Justice manuscripts. My most recent manuscript is about juvenile offending but will present a more educational forum versus a statistical forum. Anyone who enables an individual is an inherent danger to the derailment and destruction of the individual's future. Whether you started it, came in during the use or at the end of the behavior, it's still enabling. The consequences are far outreaching as it will most likely include jail/prison time, addiction and possibly death. Grieving will not bring them back and walking away from an addiction is no walk in the park because being clean and sober takes time. Jail/Prison time means a felony record that ruins any chance for federal or state employment in ANY field. That's just the beginning, because no gainful employment and desiring more will only cause the individual to recidivate and end back in jail/prison. So, again: Did we think critically about the consequences of our right now actions and its future outcomes? The answer is --No, we have not!
In order to help your child overcome and be empowered -- talk to them, invest in them, love them and teach them the word of God. It will give them a foundation to stand on when trouble comes and it lets them know they have someone who truly loves them that they can turn to.
The Bible speaks clearly to us as parents and to the children as well. The Ten Commandments - Exodus 20:12 says, "Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee." Ephesians 6:1-3 tells the children to obey their parents in the Lord. Likewise, Ephesians 6:4 says "...Fathers provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
Be willing to sit and listen to your children. Be open-minded so that you can hear what your children are saying. A child's greatest joy is knowing that he/she can have a conversation with their parents. Think back to a conversation your child had with you --their face lit up and they got excited at the thought of telling you about their day or sharing a tale regardless if it was corny to you or not. Don't let them feel as though they can't talk to you. When your child starts sharing with a stranger instead of you, it says that communication has broken down and that is the worst place for them to be because they sometimes end up going to the wrong people. It is also the wrong place for you to be as a parent when your children can't communicate with you, because now, you don't know what is going on with them and they will not want to trust you or tell you. Reach out, don't wait. Forget about the foolishness that when your child wants to talk they will come to you. They may not come to you and the longer you wait, the more likely they are to share with the wrong person. If you are struggling, seek the help of about two Godly friends to help you. Let your children know that they can speak openly with those two Godly individuals when they feel they cannot communicate with you. Those two Godly individuals will know how to share with you without betraying the children's confidence, because you want them to always be able to speak with those individuals. It doesn't mean they will discipline or become your children's guide, they are simply a support system to help you while you seek God for guidance on appropriate skills and ways to work with your children. Remember these questions: Who is the parent? Where do the children live and who is providing for them? Are you trying to be their friend and when you need to discipline them it's creating a conflict because they no longer view you as the parent? Are you going to wait until the police knocks on your door and puts your child in handcuffs before you ask what's wrong and get to the bottom of the problem? Someone once said to me in not so eloquent a manner -- excuses are like the back end of a horse and everybody has one. Do you still have an excuse?
Spend time with your children. Invest in them and their future. If you don't, who will? It is the key reason why many of our younger people have been turning to gangs, drugs, alcohol, prostitution and Lord knows what else. There is no investment in them and so they don't have any motivation to do for themselves. Yes there are some who don’t try to motivate themselves, but we cannot afford to let go of them either. Parents, do you know that your children are not as grown as you think just because of their behaviors? Children are constantly developing and even when they say or do things that makes them seem grown, they got it from somewhere or someone and many of them have no proper understanding of the context or the consequences of the behaviors. Some were made to believe that the behaviors would get them recognition and status, but are still developing and gullible to suggestive reasoning and promises. Parents, if we fail to plan, we plan to fail and that's the bottom line! I know situations and circumstances sometimes cause us to stray from the plan, but you can get back up and get back in line. I know that motivation is from within, but sometimes we all need a little encouragement and a boost to help us up. Encourage them to take positive steps toward their development and future. Regardless of your level of education, encourage them to seek more but work hard for what they want. Remember, nothing good comes easy in life, and if you never had to work hard to succeed, you would never learn to appreciate anything or anyone or have the desire and/or motivation to accomplish anything.
Empower Them, Don't Enable Them. My work as an educator enabled me to encounter a diverse group of students and those with restorative justice mandates. These were students who had been in trouble with the justice system. They were required to continue their education in an alternative environment while receiving treatment and learning coping skills to develop growth in self-actualization. This process meant that they would learn the skills to develop personal growth to become productive, positive individuals versus perpetrating crimes and recidivism.
During my encounter with the students, enabling, manipulation and a host of other attributes were a daily regimen to address. I found Enabling and Manipulation to be the most potent issue because it involved the parents. Manipulation will be addressed on "The Family" page. Some parents believed they were helping to keep their children out of trouble by enabling their behavior. Smoking or drinking with your child, buying the alcohol or drugs for them, giving them the money to buy the drugs or alcohol, buying that $200 or $400 sneakers just because they want it or see someone else with it when you can't even afford it or have enough to pay your bills, telling them to retaliate or go after anyone who does anything to them --those are just a few of the ways we enable our children. As we look at each of the behaviors, what consideration have we given to the way in which they will be played out? Are there other choices we could have made? Did we think critically about the consequences of our right now actions and its future outcomes?
My personal work includes researching and writing Criminal Justice manuscripts. My most recent manuscript is about juvenile offending but will present a more educational forum versus a statistical forum. Anyone who enables an individual is an inherent danger to the derailment and destruction of the individual's future. Whether you started it, came in during the use or at the end of the behavior, it's still enabling. The consequences are far outreaching as it will most likely include jail/prison time, addiction and possibly death. Grieving will not bring them back and walking away from an addiction is no walk in the park because being clean and sober takes time. Jail/Prison time means a felony record that ruins any chance for federal or state employment in ANY field. That's just the beginning, because no gainful employment and desiring more will only cause the individual to recidivate and end back in jail/prison. So, again: Did we think critically about the consequences of our right now actions and its future outcomes? The answer is --No, we have not!
In order to help your child overcome and be empowered -- talk to them, invest in them, love them and teach them the word of God. It will give them a foundation to stand on when trouble comes and it lets them know they have someone who truly loves them that they can turn to.
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