Alcohol
Alcohol is a silent killer of not just our adult population but our young people as well. Like AID/HIV, it has no color, class or gender classification –it takes over and destroys lives, families and communities. A whole generation of young leaders is practically lost because of their fetish for Alcohol and Drugs, another way to lose themselves in their identity crisis during teen years, pain of confusion and the feeling of hopelessness.
What have we as parents been doing to help our children survive these silent killers? Are you talking to your children or is this another one of those birds and the bees story or "It's not my problem because my children are already grown", or "It's not in my community, so I don't have to worry about it?" When will we wake up to the fact that regardless of it been in our community or our children are already grown, this is the generation of leaders, doctors, teachers and presidents that we are pushing to the curb.
Most of our young people turn to drugs and alcohol because they are bored or its cool or they are trying to fit in. They attribute their boredom to the absence of family involvement because ever so often, they are left to do whatever they wish -- play video games, hang with negative peers and friends their parents don't even know and have never seen, doing Lord knows what, with people they don't even know. I know it's so easy for us to find every excuse to justify why we don't do anything with our children, but everything does not have to cost money either. Are you telling me you don't even have one hour you can spend doing something or talking with your child, not lecturing them but having meaningful fun with them? As a single mom, I was working and always running around trying to get everything done and yes, not spending enough time with my children. I noticed they started asking to sit with other people we knew when we went to church functions and other gatherings. I always told them no but it bothered me that they wanted to be with other people, so one day I asked my older daughter why they wanted to do that and she told me I'm always busy and that was a hard one for me to swallow. I gave my children a hug, asked for their forgiveness and made a heart-felt promise that I will always make time for them. We invented "Family Night, Movie Night" every Friday. We watch a movie even while I'm getting the laundry done, we do arts and craft, make popcorn, pizza --ordered or store bought and WE TALK. I even went to the dollar store and got the different sizes of popcorn buckets and the cute hot dog holders to make it fun while we watched the movie. It is also the time we set aside for Family Meetings where my children can tell me how I am treating them, and I have to humble myself more as I take off my mommy cap and LISTEN, and be willing to HEAR their FEEDBACK on ways I could build on our relationship.
Just taking that time to be with them has taught me so much and I continue to learn from them. It does not mean that every suggestion they make becomes the law, oh no, I'm still the parent, but it doesn't mean I cannot listen and consider some of their requests. Our children want us to be the ones they can talk to and when we don't listen, they will find others to talk to and a lot of the times, it will destroy them versus help them. Yes we love our children very much and it's hard to hear that they have done something wrong, but we have got to stop judging them for everything and learn to embrace them. It is still important to discipline them, but everything does not require strict discipline, sometimes a conversation to provide understanding will help. You let them know what they did was wrong, but don't scream and yell, you'll only push them further away. I know this is easier said than done, because I did it too, but as long as you're not busy trying to be their friend instead of a parent, you will see that it will work. Spending time with them is so important and creating "Family Night, Movie Night" was the best thing we ever did. There are times when even their school friends are able to come over and have a sleep over and we all have fun together. Some of their friends call me "the cool mom", because they like the way we get together, play games and have fun even though we're at home, because it says "Family Time". My children are not the perfect angels, but I have seen a marked difference in their behavior and they love our times together. They no longer wish to sit with others and love doing things with me when they are not busy playing together. Our children are using alcohol and taking drugs including your prescription drugs. My question to you is, "What are you going to do about it?" My Answer to you is "GET HELP, BECAUSE NO ONE CAN HELP YOUR CHILDREN BETTER THAN YOU!"
What have we as parents been doing to help our children survive these silent killers? Are you talking to your children or is this another one of those birds and the bees story or "It's not my problem because my children are already grown", or "It's not in my community, so I don't have to worry about it?" When will we wake up to the fact that regardless of it been in our community or our children are already grown, this is the generation of leaders, doctors, teachers and presidents that we are pushing to the curb.
Most of our young people turn to drugs and alcohol because they are bored or its cool or they are trying to fit in. They attribute their boredom to the absence of family involvement because ever so often, they are left to do whatever they wish -- play video games, hang with negative peers and friends their parents don't even know and have never seen, doing Lord knows what, with people they don't even know. I know it's so easy for us to find every excuse to justify why we don't do anything with our children, but everything does not have to cost money either. Are you telling me you don't even have one hour you can spend doing something or talking with your child, not lecturing them but having meaningful fun with them? As a single mom, I was working and always running around trying to get everything done and yes, not spending enough time with my children. I noticed they started asking to sit with other people we knew when we went to church functions and other gatherings. I always told them no but it bothered me that they wanted to be with other people, so one day I asked my older daughter why they wanted to do that and she told me I'm always busy and that was a hard one for me to swallow. I gave my children a hug, asked for their forgiveness and made a heart-felt promise that I will always make time for them. We invented "Family Night, Movie Night" every Friday. We watch a movie even while I'm getting the laundry done, we do arts and craft, make popcorn, pizza --ordered or store bought and WE TALK. I even went to the dollar store and got the different sizes of popcorn buckets and the cute hot dog holders to make it fun while we watched the movie. It is also the time we set aside for Family Meetings where my children can tell me how I am treating them, and I have to humble myself more as I take off my mommy cap and LISTEN, and be willing to HEAR their FEEDBACK on ways I could build on our relationship.
Just taking that time to be with them has taught me so much and I continue to learn from them. It does not mean that every suggestion they make becomes the law, oh no, I'm still the parent, but it doesn't mean I cannot listen and consider some of their requests. Our children want us to be the ones they can talk to and when we don't listen, they will find others to talk to and a lot of the times, it will destroy them versus help them. Yes we love our children very much and it's hard to hear that they have done something wrong, but we have got to stop judging them for everything and learn to embrace them. It is still important to discipline them, but everything does not require strict discipline, sometimes a conversation to provide understanding will help. You let them know what they did was wrong, but don't scream and yell, you'll only push them further away. I know this is easier said than done, because I did it too, but as long as you're not busy trying to be their friend instead of a parent, you will see that it will work. Spending time with them is so important and creating "Family Night, Movie Night" was the best thing we ever did. There are times when even their school friends are able to come over and have a sleep over and we all have fun together. Some of their friends call me "the cool mom", because they like the way we get together, play games and have fun even though we're at home, because it says "Family Time". My children are not the perfect angels, but I have seen a marked difference in their behavior and they love our times together. They no longer wish to sit with others and love doing things with me when they are not busy playing together. Our children are using alcohol and taking drugs including your prescription drugs. My question to you is, "What are you going to do about it?" My Answer to you is "GET HELP, BECAUSE NO ONE CAN HELP YOUR CHILDREN BETTER THAN YOU!"
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